You feel not good enough
Like all of your kids’ bad traits come from your side
And you’re nowhere near as patient as you should be, showing more restraint with strangers than with your own family.
When your harsh tone is repeated back to you, and you feel like the biggest failure to ever fail, but OHMYGOODNESS that child has been impossible lately. “He’s a good boy” and “it’s a phase” echo in your ears and though you believe those well-meaning words, all you really want to hear is “you’re doing a good job” and “you’re not alone” because you’re not convinced, and it would be so nice to have someone put their arm around you. No passive aggressive jabs, no finding the root of the cause. The root of the cause is age and you are doing a good job, I think.
When the one who loves you so big loves you even bigger in the moment that you least deserve it, that’s a beautiful thing. You wonder how much longer her brown eyes will see only good, and pray it is forever, promising to be better because she thrives on better. You are not perfect, but no one can come close to loving her the way you do, because she is of you and she is for you. That much is obvious when she reaches for you, only you.
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