Cat-scratch fever may refer to a disease, but ask any cat-owner and they’ll tell you it could just as easily apply to Whiskers scratching up the family car. Cats are a strange animal; they insist on smooshing themselves into spaces for which they’re clearly too big, and they’re constantly going places they’re not supposed to go.

OMG they’re toddlers.

Anyway, if you’re trying to keep Kitty off your car, I can help! I mean, I think I can. Those cats are nuts and basically do what they want regardless, so…